Calgary

How time flies when you are having fun....every june I head to Alberta and this year I changed Edmonton for Calgary. It is amazing how lonely being here is when I am used to people. I like time by myself but enforced isolation is never pleasurable....

Shear the Sheep...

I was talking with my 12 year old son yesterday about his day at school. He informed me that he had traded some worthless cards for some good ones in a game he plays with his friends. My first concern was that he might have engaged in some 'sharp' trading practices and taken advantage of his peers. Isn't that crazy? Good for him, I'm glad I didn't say anything. In a world where people do so many crazy things, send money to TV preachers, worship celebrities etc why would I want my son to hold these people harmless from their own foolishness? I need to teach him to shear the sheep closely when they self identify as sheep...save harmless your friends and the rest can take their chances...

Stress Management

Wave after wave of despair wash over me and I feel the need to escape the cloying, oppressive environment. Panic rises in my chest....I must get out...

This is not a good way to spend my afternoon. I have to stamp out and manage my stress level and replace it with fun. Too much work and money stress, which seem odd given that as a rule things are going well enough....

Despair

What's the difference between Despair and Depression? It seems degree and a belief that one is permanent and the other temporary. That is where a firm belief in a logical thought process can save you...

Music is one of the great mood alterers and I have always wondered why. Why does it stir the emotions as it does? I am self medicating even as I type this with the score from the movie Gladiator and 'o Fortuna' You have to love great music. Ride forth, conquer, scorched earth, barbarian hordes.....love that imagery.

So....how do I ensure I consistently channel emotions in the most productive way and structure my daily life so that I leverage things like music etc to maximize my mental state? I am Going to use a mindmap to lay everything out and see if I can build out a repeatable process.....

Mental Well Being

No one knows what it's like
To be the sad man behind blue eyes.
No one knows what it's like to be me.
My dreams aren't as empty as my
Conciense seems to be....
Yet so many people feel the same as me.

it's strane how are emotions so often rule our lives.....

Perspective

We had a bit of a snowstorm last night, thunder lightnin and snow. Shows you just how messed up the weather patterns are lately. My almost 3 year old daughter wanted to go out and shovel the driveway with me. She had seen the small shovel in the garage and was keen to use it. After bundling her up in her little snow bots, hat, gloves and parka it is amazing she could move. She tried really hard and could slide the snow around on the shovel but not lift it. After I had shoveled everything she wanted to make snow balls...'it will be fun daddy' she said over and over. But at 3 she lacks the manual dexterity skills to make snowballs so i had to careful make them, hand them over and wait patiently while she threw them at me. She loved this to no end. Then i chased her in the snow for a bit, her little nose running. Could I have been any happier, not a chance.

Spend your emotional energy wisely

I have had a number of great discussions lately with some good friends about effecting change and managing work stress. It is amazing how often the fundamental issue is really understanding what your emotional triggers are and what is driving your behaviour. As we've all heard and I myself have said many times, know thyself. Startng with the oracle at Delphi until now, people read the words but few people act on them.

Consider things that anger us. We focus externally and worry and argue when our sports team loses or over the conflict in the middle east. Why? It's not really relevant to most of us. How many people have actually even visited that part of the world. One of the key reasons, I think, is we avoid emotional risk and tough discussions. Things close to home, like career and personal relationships have much higher risk profiles whereas things extraneous to us can arouse our passions with 0 risk.

So...I think the key is to really focus our gaze inward and probe our true motivations. Ask the question Why? And then map out what your triggers are and decide what you are going to do to align them with your values. How will you change? Use negative triggers to motivate yourself. Share your findings with family and friends. Create and share a plan.

What do you think?

Progressing

So, you ask: what progress so far? Well, on the home front I seem to be making good progress shorin up my relationship with Zamin. It's always a challenge but I have to say so good so far. I read one of my favorite authors again last night, Montaigne.

It's amazing what great insights he has, although some of his thinking doesn't resonate I especially enjoyed his essay on 'husbanding your will'. It is amazing what strife could be avoided in the world and in our personal lives if we could hust learn to temper our passions going in to things. Why try to quit smokin if you can not start. Simplistic example but we give praise to someone who quits cold turkey after 10 years of smoking but little credit to the man who never starts. A Great Essay, very uplifting and available free on the net, just google it.

Us versus Them

Just when you think you don't have your shit wired tight and are missing the boat on moving yourself to a higher plane of happiness, people remind you that no matter how behind you are, you are still far ahead of many:

1. Cultural Bias + racism is traditionally seen as white versus black. But look at India and the still popular caste bias and north vs south bias. To me they are all Indians but among themselves their are infinite gradients until you get to our village versus their village. You have got to love Stupidity. I love Indian women, who knew I had to define it further?

2. Nasa Female Astronaut stocks rival with bb gun and a hammer and garbage bags...'I just wanted to scare her'. She threw away her career, acclaim, family and freedom for what?

3. Inter religous fighting....Christians have been doing if for decades, muslims do it now. Why fight for national freedom when you can slaughter rivals over minor points of dogma?

So In guess the learning in all this is that despite Socrates saying the unexamined life is not worth living very few people actually examine their own lives and look at how personal and cultural biases hold them back from truly perceiving the world as it is. Without true clarity of thought and self knowledge, how can you effectively pursue your own happiness?

Shane

OK...Enough is Enough

So, let's list lifes positives:

1. Make OK money at a job I like with lot's of scope and growth dealing with Small Businesses. Lot's of room to do what I like, a great team who work for me and an interesting space to work in. Located in a great city, lot's of great multi cultural restaurants etc.
2. Have a nice house, family I love and great kids. Get to spend lot's of time with them.
3. Close with my brothers and sisters, see mom a lot which is great and important.
4. Side business Number 1 - Web hosting and design, interesting and OK secondary revenue stream.
4. Side business number 2 - Small Business Marketing consulting - met some great business owners and have had the opportunity to learn and do some interesting work plus a little extra money.
4. Side business number 3- www.workmyplan.com great goal setting site that I look forward to taking to the next level as a public service.

So, whats missing and why do I long for something "Epic", to be the heroic cheracter?

Missing parts:

1. No real connection to a comunity of like minded individuals. feeling of intelectual and emotional isolation.
2. Sense of letting msyelf down in terms of personal goals - write a book, push my career, more wealth and financial independence and therefore less stress.
3. Sense of physical malaise - I have not done a good job of keeping my physical health in top shape.
4. Intelectual malaise - have I really broadened or progressed in my thinking in the last 5 years?

Are all these insurmountable, of course not. so how will I keep myself on track to positive change?

Motivation

Their are bot positive and negative motivators. My best friend and I are alike in so many ways, same upbringing, same schools, same height, same age, friends for 27 years....

He is in Saudi arabia, living an adventurous life with his family. Travelling, making good money USD$, scuba diving, new experiences etc. I am living in suburbia, family, work, different side businesses....and envious? Positive motivator for change and growth or a negative?

Panic Ensues.......

I have been trying to Blog for the last 2 years without much success. While I admit to you , my only reader (Myself), that you haven't givenm me much encouragement I am curious about the disconnect. I want to write, I enjoy it, blogging is an easy way to do that, yet I don't. Why....

Maybe I need to get into practice, committ to blog one post every day?

Felicitous Serendipity

Its funny how blogging and blogs have expanded our worldview. You read the bbc click on a link. Search an interesting stories author and before you know it your reading some things you would never have thought to read. That is why rss feeds will never be more than a convenience. They are a great way to scan the headlines but people want more than that from their reading. They want to journey to interesting ideas and concepts they might not have reached on their own. Look at the popularity of strange but true sections in newspapers....